Last night was a hard night...I just missed my baby and just couldn't understand WHY so many people around me get to keep their babies and I didn't! Its so hard. It isn't fair. I can't help but feel angry sometimes! As I was driving to work this morning I was thinking about it and a scripture came to mind...
1 Nephi 11:17
And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.
I don't know why this happened. I may never know in this lifetime. But the Lord does love His children and wants us to be happy so this must be something that had to happen so eventually I could be eternally happy. Sure hard to understand that now but we will trust in the Lord.
(I've added some quotes on the right hand side that I have found comforting...check them out...if you aren't LDS go here to learn more about our church and who the prophet Joseph Smith was)
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I'm a 33 year old mother to a beautiful angel baby, Alexis Lynne. She was stillborn January 15, 2009 due to a cord accident. This blog was a place for me to write my feelings and thoughts about the experience. I hope its a place that others can learn and grow from too. I'm sincerely sorry if you are having to go through a similar trial right now. Please feel free to email me!! amywhitney85@gmail.com
8 comments:
I've had a few of those times too. Well, a LOT to be honest. I've finally just tried to accept that my little girl was too perfect for this earth, and while my heart aches for her, I know she's fine and she is happy. And how wonderful to be able to raise her someday in a perfect world! I know it's sometimes impossible to see the positive but that's what has helped me a little.
It's so great you're open with your feelings. I think verbalizing them (or typing them) is really hepful.
Sorry last night was a bad night. Have you found you get closer to your husband through those nights though? As much as I hate those nights theres peace at the end of them. Thank you for those quotes I haven't heard some of them. I love them. Eternal life ia hard thing to grasp but we are so blessed to have the knowledge we do have that we can raise them and be together forever. Love ya. April
I go through those nights too. Questioning why and I now the Lord must have a good reason. He knows are pain and loves us. Hope you have a better night tonight!
I've often asked Why in life as well. I was searching for an answer one day when I came upon the following quote. It wasn't necessarily comforting, but it answered my question and enlightened my understanding on how a Father in Heaven who loves me so much could let me hurt so much. Here is the quote by Elder Richard G. Scott:
"When you face adversity, you can be lead to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose, others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask what am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Who am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial?... This life is an experience in profound trust-trust in Jesus Christ, trust in His teachings, trust in our capacity to be led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings. To trust means to obey willingly, without knowing the end from the beginning. To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and experience."
That scripture is so powerful. I didn't even know that was a scripture, I'm sure I've read it before but it probably didn't mean anything to me then. I really admire you for going back to work and facing the world every day. You are so brave! I don't know why so many horrible things happen to good people. I just keep telling myself that I must really have a bright and glorious future ahead of me because of all of the trials we are experiencing now.
I love you already!
Thank you for your comment on my blog. I am so grateful you left it; otherwise, I may not have found you. I am thinking of you, and I meant every word of my last post. I believe in you, and in better days ahead. Sending love and peace your way!
I still have nights like that sometimes. However, it gets easier. I just wanted to share another scripture with you, one that I love.
Revelation 21:4 "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."
Isn't that a wonderful thought? HE is wiping your tears, and holding you in His arms. And there will be a day when all of us receive our beautiful babies back into our arms.
(hugs)
Amy I can totally relate to this. My Husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years now and we've had no success. I can't understand why we can't but teen mothers and drug addicted people can. :(
I love you and I am thinking of you often.
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