Thoughts

So I've been having all kinda of thoughts the last while and wanted to share a few with you. This post will probably be pretty ramblely so bear with me.

First, I want to share an experience I had this past Thursday. I helped my friend Quinn at her "Moms Who Make It" conference. It was an awesome conference...but for most of it I was kinda grumpy. I had a booth set up there of my bows. As part of that booth I had a sign telling about Alexis. All I wanted to do was share my baby with people...but I think either people didn't read about it so they didn't know or they did and avoided it. I know people don't want to talk about it cuz its sad...but really, it made me feel worse when they don't. There were all kinds of speakers that talked about all of these hard trials they had gone through and I just wanted someone to recognize my baby and my heartache. I know that is probably selfish but thats how I felt.

Then...towards the end...Nicea from Good Things Utah came to speak and while she was waiting for dinner to be over she came over and was looking at the booths, I was sitting right there because I was helping ring people up, etc. and she asked if the bows were mine. And I said yes and then she read about Alexis and sweet Nicea just made my day...she said she was sorry and she talked to me about my baby and validated my feelings. And after that it was like I was a different person! All I needed was someone to recognize that it is hard and that Alexis is real. I don't think she knows what a service she did but I felt soo much better after that.

I don't know if I can put into words what that whole experience taught me but I wanted to try. It taught me that everyone needs to be validated, needs to feel important or valued. And that people think that it is better to avoid the subject of Alexis around me, but really...its so much worse. So the next time you see me...tell me how cute my daughter is or how you thought of her today, or something that her life has meant to you! Don't worry about making me sad...it makes me MORE sad when you don't say anything. Cheryl Haggard, the co-founder of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep who also lost a child, shares a quote that says it so perfectly for me:

"The mention of my child’s name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you really are my friend, please don’t keep me from hearing this beautiful music: It soothes my broken heart and fills my soul with love."