I was watching a video about window safety done in honor of James, an angel baby who died from falling out a window. Such a tragic accident. In the video this song was played by Kenny Chesney, "Who You'd Be Today".
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.
Chorus:
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,Who'd you be today?
Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.
Chorus:
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?
Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.
Some day, some day, some day.
This song just speaks to me! "It ain't fair, you died too young, like a story that had JUST begun but death tore the pages all away." It isn't fair, its not fair that my baby girl died in my womb before I could ever hear her cry or see her smile. I don't say "its not fair" naively or immaturely, I say it as a fact, a statement...life isn't fair, its just not.
"God knows how I miss you, All the hell that I've been through, Just knowin' no-one could take your place. An' sometimes I wonder, Who you'd be today?" If Alexis had been born on January 15th and lived she would be about 6 weeks old...I know thats early to wonder who she'd be today...but it got me thinking...wondering...
I wonder what color her eyes would be.
I wonder if she would have taken a pacifier and bottle.
I wonder how much she would have grown by now.
I wonder what her personality would be like, would she be fussy or calm most of the time.
I wonder if she would have smiled at us yet.
I wonder how she would sleep...would we be up every couple hours or would she
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.
Chorus:
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,Who'd you be today?
Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.
Chorus:
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?
Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.
Some day, some day, some day.
This song just speaks to me! "It ain't fair, you died too young, like a story that had JUST begun but death tore the pages all away." It isn't fair, its not fair that my baby girl died in my womb before I could ever hear her cry or see her smile. I don't say "its not fair" naively or immaturely, I say it as a fact, a statement...life isn't fair, its just not.
"God knows how I miss you, All the hell that I've been through, Just knowin' no-one could take your place. An' sometimes I wonder, Who you'd be today?" If Alexis had been born on January 15th and lived she would be about 6 weeks old...I know thats early to wonder who she'd be today...but it got me thinking...wondering...
I wonder what color her eyes would be.
I wonder if she would have taken a pacifier and bottle.
I wonder how much she would have grown by now.
I wonder what her personality would be like, would she be fussy or calm most of the time.
I wonder if she would have smiled at us yet.
I wonder how she would sleep...would we be up every couple hours or would she
sleep through the night?
I wonder if she would have fit into the clothes we had for her or if they
I wonder if she would have fit into the clothes we had for her or if they
would have been too big/too small.
I wonder...and I will continue to wonder all through my life, what would she have been like if she was here? What is she like in heaven? What is she doing right now? Has she met my Grandpas...one I've never even met and the other who we miss. Is my Grandpa teaching her the song I treasure so much that he would sing to us..."The Little Red Schoolhouse"? Has she talked to the Savior today? Has she visited us today?
"All the hell that I've been through, Just knowin' no-one could take your place." A lot of people have asked us about when we are going to try again to have a baby. Honestly, we don't know for sure. But hopefully it won't be very long, we would like to have another baby soon but that baby will not replace Alexis by any means. She will always be our first child, our first daughter and she will always have a place in my heart, forever. No one can take her place. And that is a part that makes me sad...even when we have another baby I will still feel the loss of Alexis. I will miss her forever, until we are with her again. And thats the best part of this song, "The only thing that gives me hope, Is I know I'll see you again some day. Some day, some day, some day."Some day baby girl...some day.
I wonder...and I will continue to wonder all through my life, what would she have been like if she was here? What is she like in heaven? What is she doing right now? Has she met my Grandpas...one I've never even met and the other who we miss. Is my Grandpa teaching her the song I treasure so much that he would sing to us..."The Little Red Schoolhouse"? Has she talked to the Savior today? Has she visited us today?
"All the hell that I've been through, Just knowin' no-one could take your place." A lot of people have asked us about when we are going to try again to have a baby. Honestly, we don't know for sure. But hopefully it won't be very long, we would like to have another baby soon but that baby will not replace Alexis by any means. She will always be our first child, our first daughter and she will always have a place in my heart, forever. No one can take her place. And that is a part that makes me sad...even when we have another baby I will still feel the loss of Alexis. I will miss her forever, until we are with her again. And thats the best part of this song, "The only thing that gives me hope, Is I know I'll see you again some day. Some day, some day, some day."Some day baby girl...some day.
7 comments:
That's such a cute picture at the top. I'm sure you'll be wondering about what she would be like if she were with you for the rest of your lives. Good job on starting such a beautiful blog in memory of her. I was wondering about her name. Is it a mixture of Zach and your moms name? Just curious.
Yeah...Alexis is after Zach's mom "Alex" and Lynne is my mom's middle name. Thanks Mariesa!
Wondering...good but hard to wonder. I do it a lot too. I find myself wondering every free moment I have. This song fits our situations perfectly..thank you for sharing...looking forward to Wednesday :)
Oh sweet Amy, this is such a beautiful site you have put together for sweet little Alexis. I actually first heard this song a few days ago and am in the process of making a video for the boys with this song on it. It is so fitting for us all.
I myself wonder the same things and I know that we will continue to do so.
Your daughter Alexis if just beautiful. My heart aches so deeply for you and your husband. You are right...life isn't fair. You have put this blog together with such careful thought and love. I too wonder what my baby is doing right now and what he would be like if he wasn't gone. My name is Tifani and I found your blog through baby Harrison's blog. I hope you don't mind me reading your thoughts because they are so very similar to my own.
May God watch over you and your husband.
Tifani
enduringwell.blogspot.com
I am so glad you decided to start a blog for her. I think you will find it easier to record your thoughts and feelings here. I wonder daily would he look like my older son? Would he be a good baby? I think wondering is ok and all apart of the process. What a neat song I had never heard it. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, Amy I too have wondered. What is Grandpa Horne doing? Does he know all about the gadget toys that are on the market? Has he had success as a missionary? Does he remember me? Will he be glad to see me in a few years? Why isn't he here to take me dancing, or to a movie. I loved going on trips with him, and just having him around the house. No, life isn't fair, but as we are told it's still worth it! I was told when Grandpa died that I had acquired a certain maturity, and softness. I haven't seen that, but perhaps others have. No, the regrets will linger, but with time the pain subsides and joy comes as other children arrive and other pleasant experience come. I love you dear, and so does Heavenly Father and the Savior. Please know that I'm here for you.
Grandma Horne
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