I've been thinking on and off about dreams lately. And what my dreams are and how they have changed since January 14, 2009. Here are some of the things I want so badly it hurts...
- to hear the sweet cry of my baby as she/he is born ALIVE!
- to feel a baby kick inside of me again.
- to be able to feel happy for others when they get pregnant or have a baby.
- to run a successful business in Alexis' name.
- to raise awareness of stillbirth and cord accidents...and get ALL doctors to be REQUIRED to do 3rd trimester ultrasounds
Sometimes I think people really take for granted the things they have or experience. Do they realize I would give ANYTHING to hear my baby's first cry as they are born or to be able to get pregnant without any effort at all? Every live, healthy birth is a complete MIRACLE to me. It tries my patience and my faith when I see people who abuse their children or others who don't even want to be pregnant or have a child. There are so many people who would be much better parents. What did we do wrong? I can't help but feel like for some reason I'm inferior to others who have children just fine. Like there must be something wrong with me. *sigh* This road is so hard.
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I'm a 33 year old mother to a beautiful angel baby, Alexis Lynne. She was stillborn January 15, 2009 due to a cord accident. This blog was a place for me to write my feelings and thoughts about the experience. I hope its a place that others can learn and grow from too. I'm sincerely sorry if you are having to go through a similar trial right now. Please feel free to email me!! amywhitney85@gmail.com
6 comments:
I'm so sorry. I posted a longer comment on FB, but I just want you to know that I love you and I'm thinking about you. One day your dreams come true.
It really is hard. I think my biggest thing right now is being happy for others too. My grief counselor keeps telling me that I need to start saying out loud "I am happy for them" and then trying to move on. Easier said than done.
I find myself asking those same questions "What did we do wrong" Why why why???
*hugs* I know Alexis is so incredibly proud of both of you.
Thank you for leaving all of your feelings here. I lost my baby boy a month ago to stillbirth and I am grateful to read your words and thoughts. They echo my heart. Thank you for posting even when you are angry. Kappy
I am so sorry Amy! Your words make me cry. I am still struguling with these same feelings and yet I am pregnat again. The crazy thing is that I want it to be Sharyn so bad it hurts, but at the same time I want it to be Ambree our new baby.
I wish that you could feel a baby inside you again and know that everything will be ok. I am praying for your family and hope there is comfort soon.
Its so hard to be happy for others, the ones that complain and just seem to not care. I know its hard to be pregnant and have kids but its hard to see others when I "we" don't have ours. We are in the process of trying and I wonder how long it will take. I have gotten pregnant super easy 2 times before but Ruby took awhile so I have no idea what to expect with this one. Its so hard to think that I would have a 9 month old right now(if I go by when he was born) or a 4 month old if I go by when he should've been born). And to think that if I got pregnant in the next few months it would be a year away.
I hope it comes easy for you to have another baby. I wonder often what I did wrong. But there is nothing wrong with you. I don't have the answers other than you will be a Great mother someday. I hope soon. love ya.
Hi. A friend of mine sent me a link to your blog. I just lost my baby girl three weeks ago...stillbirth also. It is so incredibly hard! Thank you for your blog and for being so open and honest. It has inspired me to be equally open and honest and just write what I feel.
I really feel for you and hope that you will have another baby SOON! I'll pray for that.
Sincerely,
Kate
jefferiesbebsite dot blogspot dot com
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